Goodbye Not Maybe
by Kuroi-cho-tsuki-shiro
Summary: Rukia makes a decision. There is only one way she knows she can save Ichigo s life. A series of shorts based on the story of Bleach from Rukia's point of view. 12
1. Chapter 1

The eyes of the class were on Ichigo and Ishida. Hushed conversations had started early that morning and continued on into the first period, so that Rukia had found it easier to keep her head down and her eyes on the English text in front of her. Ichigo had a large plaster around his head to cover the gash on his brow. Ishida had bandaged his arms from his wrists to his elbows to hide the burns left by the blue fire. Neither had spoken to the other.

"You have no reason to feel guilty," Rukia said over the side of her textbook when she noticed Ichigo's eyes wandering to Ishida again. They were sitting next to each other in class. They always sat next to each other and had done since the day she'd arrived. Ichigo scowled at her:

"Guilty? Why the hell would I feel guilty? For him? I don't feel guilty."

"I never said you did. I said you shouldn't." She smiled and was pleased when he glared at her. He was so damn easy to tease sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

At lunch-break, when Ichigo went to play football, Rukia took the opportunity to go off on her own. The early afternoon was an unlikely time for hollows and she needed time to think about what had happened and its implications. The spot she chose was a tree on the edge of the schoolgrounds. She scaled the trunk easily and perched on one of the branches, her legs hanging down. From here, she could see the tops of nearby buildings and a vast swathe of the bright summer sky. Insects buzzed around her and birds sung. The sounds of the living world were a constant heartbeat, but also a reminder to her that nothing here would last.

She could not forgive Urahara or even Uryu for the parts they had played. Soul Society would have monitored the appearance of a _menos _in this world. Someone, somewhere, even now, would be asking questions, she knew. So, her time had run out. But she was still unclear about what to do, save that she had made a decision on one thing and one thing alone: she would do everything in her power to keep Ichigo from falling into their hands. That would have to be her starting point. From there, surely, other things would fall into place. There had to be a way.

"There she is! Hey, Rukia! Come on! Come to lunch with us!"

She glanced down from her perch to see a group of girls from her class waiting beneath the tree. Orihime was waving a lunchbox at her. She opened her mouth to make an excuse, but realised she had none.

Usually, she ate with Ichigo and his friends. Failing that, she preferred her own company, so it felt strange to sit with a crowd of girls with their quick voices and their laughter. Unlike Ichigo's companions, they kept up a constant flurry of conversation that became a gentle buzz of sound as she ate, now and again smiling as she heard themtalking about someone she knew.

"So, Kuchiki-_san, _are you and Kurosaki_-kun _an item?" asked one girl suddenly.

Rukia choked.

"Michiru! You can't ask that!" cried Chizuru. She was a tall girl with red hair and glasses. Rukai knew her as one of Orihime's friends. The other who had spoken was small with a ponytail, and Rukia couldn't recall having seen her in class.

"Why not, Chizuru? You're always saying that you think they are."

"But still, you can't ask! It's not polite!"

Orihime, seated to Rukia's left, reached out and touched her arm:

"It's alright, Kuchiki-_san. _She doesn't mean anything by it."

Rukia tried to hide her shock. Only Orihime seemed aware that the question had disturbed her so deeply. The other two were grinning:

"Well, now the question's out there," said Chizuru: "Are you a couple or aren't you?"

"Ichigo and I, we're – good friends."

"Oh, that's a shame," said Orihime, still resting her fingers lightly on Rukia's arm: "Because I like Ichigo and Tatsuki likes Ichigo. If you liked Ichigo too, I'm sure he'd be happy."

Tatsuki, who had been observing from a distance, moved closer and sat with her chin on her knees:

"That's not how relationships work, you know, 'Hime. It's not that more is better."

"Well, I don't like Ichigo," said the small girl. "He scares me."

"That's only because he frowns all the time," said Chizuru. They continued to talk and Rukia looked down, staring hard at the lunch on her knees that had suddenly become less appetising.

"Hey, Rukia, over summer we're planning on going to the beach," said Orihime suddenly: "All of us. Ichigo too. You'll come, won't you?"

Rukia looked at the girl whose eyes were shining and hopeful:

"I don't know. I mean – maybe."

Orihime's face fell:

"You know that what you always say, Kuchiki-_san. _Maybe. Always maybe."

"Is it? I'm - I'm sorry. But maybe."

Because how could she tell her the truth?


	3. Chapter 3

She couldn't be a part of this world and she couldn't lie anymore.

She sat on the windowsill in the empty classroom, waiting for the boys to finish their sports practice, and wondering how she would tell him. The sun was going down and the room was in shadow save for the shafts of a brilliant sunset pouring in through the windows. Her schoolbag, stuffed with pens and books lay on the sill beside her. Birds wheeled in the red sky.

When the boys from her class trooped back across the playground, laughing and jossing each other, her eyes went instinctively to Ichigo who was walking at the back, his hands shoved in his pockets as always. She felt her heart skip a beat. She'd tried to believe that she felt his presence in a different way to other humans because of his _reiatsu, _but she was under no illusion now; she could no longer sense _reiatsu. _The encounter with the _menos _had drained away the last vestiges of her power. So, whatever she felt, it wasn't his spirit; it wasn't his power.

With a sigh, she lifted her bag onto her shoulder and went downstairs to meet him.

He was unaware of any change in her. He greeted her with his usual nod, then strolled past her, simply expecting her to fall into step behind as she always did.

Before they reached the gates though, she said his name:

"Ichigo."

"Yeah?" He kept walking, but hesitated when he realised she had stopped.

"Ichigo" - Suddenly, she couldn't remember what she'd wanted to say. He was waiting for a reprimand, she knew, or one of her usual jibes. When he didn't get it, he frowned and narrowed his eyes:

"What?"

"Are you – okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He flexed his arm, showing off the muscles that were thickening there. He had grown fitter, faster, in his human body as well as his spirit form. It might be the result of his time as a _shinigami _or it might simply be that he was growing older. Growing up. Because humans did that. "What's wrong? Spit it out, Rukia."

"I just – I was worried." She couldn't tell him the truth in case he tried to stop her. Would he try? Maybe he wouldn't give a damn. Maybe that would be better for both of them. But she needed to say good-bye. It would break her heart to leave without saying it. And because there would be no coming back, no second chance, no possibility of retracting her decision, she could surely tell him that she would miss him. If she could just remember the words.

He rolled his eyes and turned away from her:

"Come on, Rukia."


	4. Chapter 4

The walk home took forever in the fading sunlight. Any possibility of her speaking fell away as she realised that this would be the last time they walked this path together. There was no longer anything to say in the face of that realisation. She felt each footstep like a heartbeat. Nothing lasts. Nothing lasts in this world, she thought, and yet it felt more real to her than anything she had experienced in her own.

At one point, Ichigo turned to look at her. Perhaps he sensed something unusual in her quiet. Then he did a rare thing. He smiled at her. Bright and brief. "Cheer up," he said, and touched one finger to the centre of her forehead, poking her. Then he chuckled at her expression and kept walking.


	5. Chapter 5

**If you enjoyed this story, please check my profile page for the next in the series . It lists them in order so you shouldn't have any trouble finding them. Thanks!**


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